This post is a scorching essay by Caitlin Flanagan, “The Fury of the Prep-School Parents,” which appeared two years ago in Atlantic. Here’s a link to the original.
I’m posting it here for two reasons. One is that it’s a great case in point about the pathologies that arise from the new American meritocracy based on exclusive college credentials.
The other is that it’s a great example of good writing. For example:
At this point, we’ve reached peak private school. The shortage of spaces at elite colleges has driven these people mad, and there is nothing at all left to contain their behavior; their true motivation for sending their kids to these schools has been laid bare. Yes, it was nice to have such a lovely campus, and yes, the Emily Dickinson/Walt Whitman unit was a delight to hear about over dinner. But they would have sent their kids to barracks to watch The Flintstones for four years if it came with guaranteed admission to Harvard.
Love the last two sentences. And here’s another:
They are like people who arrive for a week at a five-star hotel only to find out there aren’t enough lounge chairs by the pool and the main dining room is fully booked. At $750 a night? That’s not going to stand. There’s a stern call to the manager, followed by a complimentary upgrade to club level, a bottle of champagne on ice, and a suddenly available two-top at Terrazzo.
I think you enjoy going along for the ride.
The Fury of the Prep-School Parents
An elite-college education is one of the few expensive things that is for sale, but that not everyone is allowed to buy.

At this point, we’ve reached peak private school. The shortage of spaces at elite colleges has driven these people mad, and there is nothing at all left to contain their behavior; their true motivation for sending their kids to these schools has been laid bare. Yes, it was nice to have such a lovely campus, and yes, the Emily Dickinson/Walt Whitman unit was a delight to hear about over dinner. But they would have sent their kids to barracks to watch The Flintstones for four years if it came with guaranteed admission to Harvard.
Read: Parents gone wild: high drama inside D.C.’s most elite private school
They are like people who arrive for a week at a five-star hotel only to find out there aren’t enough lounge chairs by the pool and the main dining room is fully booked. At $750 a night? That’s not going to stand. There’s a stern call to the manager, followed by a complimentary upgrade to club level, a bottle of champagne on ice, and a suddenly available two-top at Terrazzo. Maybe there was a time when a certain kind of restrained behavior was expected from the American upper class; you certainly encounter it in novels. But today’s rich people are a different breed, and they are especially unsuited to the fact that an elite-college education is one of the few expensive things that is for sale, but that not everyone is allowed to buy.
But the problem isn’t simply one of supply and demand. It’s also the result of parents who seem to have a great deal in common—the Volvo XC40, Costa Rican vacations, Hillbilly Elegy—but whose only truly shared value is the desire for their children to attend elite colleges. This wasn’t always the case. Most of the famous private schools began with a specific religious affiliation, and while they gradually began to extend admission to people of other faiths, they maintained certain expectations for how those students would conform to the institutional creed.
Former Senator Al Franken tells the story of transferring from a Minneapolis public school to one of the city’s storied private institutions, the Blake School. One day, his math teacher asked him to stay after class. Franken assumed the man wanted to praise him for his good work, but that was not the case.
“I notice in chapel you don’t sing the hymns,” the teacher said. Franken explained that he didn’t sing them because he was Jewish.
After a pause, the man asked him a question. “You want to get into a good college, don’t you?” he said. Yes, Franken said. “And to get into college you need good math grades?” Yes, Franken said.
“I’d sing the hymns,” the teacher said.
Ridding themselves of religious and racial biases has been the great task these institutions have faced for the past four decades. While most of the top schools have retained a nominal connection to their original faiths, these creeds need not trouble any families who do not share them. Today, it is mostly the second-rate institutions (the Catholic schools, of course; Jewish day schools) that still expect religious observance.
The elite schools have exchanged religion for a shared code of social justice, multiculturalism, and global citizenship. These are high-minded ideals, and certainly preferable to a strictly Christian code inflexibly forced upon nonbelievers in search of only a fine education and not religious intolerance. But they are ideals that hamper senior administrators from putting dreadful parents in their place. The real god of these schools is the god of money: cash on the barrelhead, or—if need be—a healthy pledge from Grandpa’s eventual estate. (Ever notice who sponsors Grandparents’ Day at these places? The development office. They lured Grandpa Joe into their lair using your 10-year-old as bait. It’s not shameless; it’s vile.)
In the old days, a misbehaving parent would face a private audience with the headmaster—no cups of tea this time; certainly no glass of sherry—and a merciless dressing-down. But today, that horrible parent could be a major donor, and guess how headmasters are largely evaluated? By the amount of money they raise. Here’s one thing you need to know about private schools: They have two honor codes, two community-standards contracts, and two disciplinary codes. One is for everyone, and the other is for big donors.
And all this is why two employees of Sidwell Friends, who are leaving the school in June, are the new heroes of everyone who has ever worked at an independent school. Like Norma Rae Wilson shutting down the cotton mill, like Mario Savio announcing that he could not take part, he could not even passively take part in the functioning of a corrupt machine, these two counselors apparently had enough. There should be statues erected in their honor; they should be the main speakers at next year’s National Association for College Admission Counseling Conference.
America’s top private schools create the leadership class, students who soar like rockets through the best colleges, just like they soared through the top prep schools. Soon these kids will have some actual power. What have they learned along the way? That money, brutish behavior, and selfish demands will always get you what you want.
I suggest this is driven by the very steep hierarchy in USA postsecondary institutions, which in turn reflects the very unequal distribution of income and wealth in the USA.
LikeLike